May 10th Mindmesh

--you are keen on misunderstanding me, aren't you? i resent that.

--the way you behave towards me sometimes, the words you speak, leaves me wondering if my efforts to be near you are unnecessarily stressing you out. i know you are burdened enough by your life's concerns; i do not want to add more to that.

--do i give the impression that i'm out to hold you liable for the friendship that we have now and the 'responsibilities' that might go with it? i don't want you to feel like being my friend is a full time job. i don't want to be in the way of what you hope to achieve or how you want to live your life.

--people are noticing there's something different in the way we treat each other. something is there than mere platonic friendship, they say. although it bothers me not, i am bothered for you. i do not want to be in any way predisposing your "ill repute" in this place. i reckon, i should see you less and be more conscientiously on guard.

--it irks me to know that back in then you had duly expressed that we keep things as professional as possible at work and that it always escapes me. what can i do? i am consumed by you. but that is not the point, i know. the point is: i can't risk your plans by being too 'dumbed' by love.

--there are so many things to say. things i haven't even broken down for the most part, much less sort out. i'm not hoping for the time when i could tell you about them. i only wish i'd understand somehow what they're all about in my own time.

--play it cool, Jeff. don't give yourself away. hold yourself together.

--as if hating you for what you unconsciously make me do is powerful enough to douse these devoted flames.