Welcome Baby Shyanne

Joy is the universe-incinerating twinkle in a father's eye upon learning it's a girl (as he'd hoped it'd be)

Gagging in Escape

Take hold of your bearings. Summon up the forcefield. Leave people out. Breathe Solitude. Don't hold on to things. Life is a flux of colliding souls letting each other go the second the fever Human Touch burns itself off.

Reiteration

I am silver sea draining into the horizon.
I am sun broken into fragments, shivering in the mountain shadows.
I am child of Mother Earth, witnessing it all, weathering it all, with nothing but my soul-filled heart.
I can't afford to be more consequential than that.

Puerile Points

I feel a flaming anvil in the pit of my stomach, pinning down all hope of Relief.
/
My heart grows and hardens each day like oyster shells in the embrace of the ocean.
/
We hold the thread of our dreams. It is spun in the spindle of our minds.
/
Wishes can only take you as far as the outskirts of your nail beds.
/
There are people worth befriending, or so, until the 'crunch' says so.

Crab Song

it's been like this always--me, coming here to watch the waves roll pebbles and shells onto this wide white stretch of sand, forming constellations that glitter beneath daylight's golden touch

and always i wonder, if some secret message from you lies encrypted in those jeweled patterns, all too soon snatched away by the imperious sea, as if begrudging me of such beauty and the day when i'd figure out the secret and find a new direction to pursue--other than this realm of sand, sun, and sea

and you: elusive in the circle of my reach like brine in the breeze, the moon spilled on the pitch-black waters, the foamy tongue of the sea kissing the beach

here i am, trapped in your silence, a crab sentenced to a shell. i know i shall bear the weight of this lover Solitude, of this protection and incarceration, of forever wishing these crimson shards would never again form the sun as leaving me to myself in this place leaves me with nothing but darkness and space and chasms falling into themselves

i shall dwell in the tales spun of what could have been us, written by a grieving hand and a dreaming heart on this wide white stretch of sand

what must i do to rouse you from your sleep? i am nothing but the script that scars this shore, droning of how the wind endlessly ruffles the leaves of the trees, how the wild geese keeps screaming in search of home

when will the unseen hand draw over all of this the roaring blanket of sea and hush the cries of my soul to sleep?

Faux Pax at 2:00 AM

I was dozing off in training, when suddenly I saw Martin (or Gabby, as he seems to be better known now in here) in the training room. Good to see him. He said he wanted us guys to join the cheerdance team for TWC. We guys just sat there, very quiet, very noncommital. That's when he singled me out. It's so Martin to single me out, I believe that's our way of recognizing each other's worth. But I think I made a mistake when I hurled a dry quip at him. We might be "close," I know, but I should have taken into consideration the context. I must have appeared as a "social slasher," arrogant and uncaring to have said something like that, in that tone (which was simply too Jeprox) to him--a Team Leader.

I should say sorry to him, and put things in perspective with my sarcastic self. I hope I'll get to do that later.

Che Sono Io?

I'm just any other guy
finding What I Am About
taking hold of Myself

in The Flux

Day 1 in the Life of a Product-Specific Trainee

Waited 2 hours at the pantry with my wavemates. I realized conversation's not a problem with these guys.
/
Talked about basic computer hardware components and their respective functionalities for 6 hours. Dext jokingly referred to the pimple on my left cheek as a CMOS chip. I just smiled, when I should have said his mouth looks like a PCI slot. But all in all, Dext is a good guy, so I did the right thing, bridling my tongue.
/
At lunch, Chinese-looking boy from Zambia, D, quipped at me, "Are you gonna get sweets again?" I said, "Uhuh, gotta have all the sugar I can get whenever I can get them."

I sat on the table with a slice of day-old Swiss cake, a bottle of commercial orange juice, and a bar of chocolate. Fair fare for lunch at 2:00 AM, right?
/
We were made to count off to four for the regrouping. Kyaji, Denny, Sarah, and Marvi found themselves in the same group. Being the odd one out, I walked up to them and said, "T'is a mean trick that Fate played on me. And how could you guys play along with it? Is this what you're gonna repay me for everything I did for Team Venom before?"

They just smirked.

Guess I'm just that bad at feigning bitterness.

Audaciously Anticipating

In exactly, one hour and eighteen minutes, I'll step into Time Warner Road Runner's Product Specific Training. I'm not a technically-inclined person,that I know for sure. But I am a fast learner, and I know that for sure too. I think that makes me a well-balanced not-too-complicated not-too-easy person. Whatever that means.

I still can't get over the fact that Team Venom (our team) won by thirty bucks over tight competitor Team Joker in yesterday's CCT Graduation Rites. Whew! We sure did put up one hell of a fight there. I'm proud of us five.

Do You Know What You're Drinking?

Baileys
People who pay their way out of jail

Red Horse
A stallion crossed with a cherry tomato

Tequila
Opening line of a letter to a murderer

San Mig Light
What you say to another if you want your cigarette lit

Vino Kulafu
Simply denatured alcohol

Auto Empathy Virus

What would you feel if I punch you hard on the back? You’d be hurt, right? You’d feel Pain, both physical and emotional, especially when you see me carefreely walking away, leaving you with a bruise on your shoulder and perhaps, a question in the depths of your soul which goes, “Why is Life so unjust?”

It’s a fact: people around the world breathe injustice and violence. The Black Eyed Peas even made money out of that by singing “People killin’ people dyin’, children hurt, can you hear them crying?”

Well, we can’t keep looking for love forever as an answer to that. Injustice and violence, such as the one I demonstrated earlier, (and the fact that they happen to everyone almost everyday) inspired me to think that if I were to come up with something that would contribute to the well being of the world, I would develop this--AEV or the Auto Empathy Virus.

AEV would be an airborne viral strain that compulsorily enables human beings to feel the pain that they inflict on other human beings as soon as they cause it. It means that aggressors would find themselves in the other person’s shoes, whether they like it or not—as the term Auto Empathy so sincerely suggests.

The rationale behind AEV is simple: the culture of violence is growing in staggering proportions worldwide, while The Law is seriously failing to control that. The apprehension of perpetrators in the current justice and law enforcement system more often than not takes months, years, even a lifetime (if you talk about our country’s case.) I feel sorry for the cliché “Justice delayed is Justice denied,” it can’t help dying multiple and prolonged deaths out of sheer fatigue. I mean, I can actually feel how badly it wants to go on retirement but with the way things are, fat chance! AEV would change that.

Let me show you how: I punch you on the face, in an instant I’m reeling from the same intensity of pain I gave him. I say some terrible things to you which made you feel demeaned and discriminated and I’ll end up feeling the same way. I steal your wallet and you go hungry, I’ll end up hungry as well, no matter how many meals I buy myself with your money. That’s how it works. That’s justice served.

But you might ask: “What if I killed Mr. Lane in self-defense? Will that kill me too? No, it won’t. AEV only works when the harmful act is driven by a vicious will or cruel intentions. That’s how cleverly created AEV would be, connecting human consciousness, utilizing human biochemistry, hurdling even moral dilemmas.

Amazing as it would be, there’d be those who’d say AEV goes against Nature, AEV is about “playing God,” AEV is against human rights.

Nevertheless, I’d go for it because it would make people think twice about hurting others, it’d be like having an efficient justice and law enforcement mechanism in every person, one that has teeth that cuts faster than you can “I’m sorry.” It would be like the change that comes from within. And trust me on this one: we need that.

Denial

Today, the sun is nothing but splinters of gold on the afternoon sea.

I don’t think you have me in the horizon of your mind.

I don’t think you feel me breaking into a thousand fragments of light.

I can’t remember the last time I asked your shadow if it feels my warmth.

I don’t remember many things about the one thing I wanted but never came true.

10 Surefire Tips to Finding True Love

by Team Venom (Kiaji, Jeprox, Sarah, Marvi,Denny)

1. Get a frog and kiss it. If something happens, it's true love. If not, well, the frog population is rather big.

2. Burn yourself charred and have yourself auctioned for an exorbitant price. Who ever buys you is your true love. Rest assured, the population of buyers worldwide is rather big.

3. Commission a witch to cast a spell on your target. If your target is a witch herself, make sure to commission a witch way more skilled than her.

4. Think of something you haven't tried before, something very self-sacrificing like... DON'T LOVE YOURSELF TOO MUCH. LEAVE SOME LOVE FOR OTHERS. QUIT BEING SUCH AN ASS.

5. Try your luck with chatrooms, texting, and eyeballs. Type in random numbers on your phone and text. The person who replies is your true love. If more than one people reply, then you have many "true loves". Lucky you.

6. Be very keen to the workings of the Law of Action-Reaction. Give true love and it will be given to you. (Sometimes you get slaps in return though.)

7. If you're goodlooking, listen to Andrew E. If you're ugly, have the other person listen to Andrew E.

8. Leap off a building and hope somebody catches you, literally and figuratively. (If nobody does, there'e nothing to worry about anymore--let alone True Love.

9. Search the civil registries around the world for someone named True Love, and...

10. if even that fails, get a pet and call him/her True Love.

Soliloquy of the Moonlight Trapper

in the throng of human bodies
grinding their way toward
imagined Happiness, I stand
overwhelmed by how starkly

I burn

from the rest of the blur
the fire of Truth in me
making love with realities
the harshest of the most harsh

I am charred

from the inside out
like a charcoal stick leaving
dark lines on snow white pages
the way the moon writes poetry

in the dreaming mind

Soliloquy of the Moon Worshipper

the moon need not wait for Night this time
it burns fully now, so fiercely white
through the frail gray tapestry of clouds

it's the defiant third eye of those who
love silently, yearn secretly, rising
to meet the ruthless face of Tomorrow

Just a Messed Up Rhyme

for Aly-cat

the heart's a dandelion made of glass
and love is the breeze that blows it away
into frail little pieces seeking what once was
before in the what will be it can stay

Day 4

(Day 4 of the Communications and Culture Training)

Ham and eggs for breakfast. Mom yakking at the breakfast table about how thin I look. I didn’t feel like eating anymore.
/
Even with hot water, I was shivering throughout my morning bath. So I hummed the BeeGees’ Staying Alive to fight the cold while bathing.
/
I dressed in mean-chocolate slacks, mocha long-sleeved shirt, brown square-toed shoes, and a brick-red jacket. I looked wistfully at the silver-striped coffee brown tie. I thought I couldn’t have it around my neck today, when I’m feeling suicidal.
/
Rode the bus to Bacolod City. I slouched in my seat and tried to get some more sleep. But my phone kept vibrating. I saw a kid on the seat right across me staring at me. I stared back. We exchanged stares for nearly 45 minutes, until he surrendered and got off the bus at Sum-ag.
/
Traffic at Sum-ag drove me crazy. I was literally hitting the bus’ window with my head. The hell I care about the woman sitting beside me, looking at me as if I’m harassing her. Why, have I ever questioned her revolutionary ideas about exercise, granting she has the brain to think them up?
/
I arrived at the contact center, went straight to the Men’s Room, and dabbed cold water on my face. I snatched a paper towel from the dispenser and blurted to the other person in the room, a stranger: Is it just me, or does this paper towel smell like chicken hotdog? He just gave a vague nod and went out. Why did I ask him that anyway? He looked every bit the guy who hasn’t seen a chicken hotdog all his life, let alone smelt it.
/
In a world where a mere click can cost you your job, I get easily rattled. I have a hang-up with accuracy, you see. Lunchtime came and my computer hung. I logged in again on the timekeeping tool and in my haste I made the wrong time punch on my PC. Damn! I’m getting a love letter from my trainer tomorrow for it. Well, there is always a first. And Ivy writes such nice love letters, so I’ve heard.
/
My team, Team Venom, fought hard to win the Grammar Quiz Bee but Team Joker hauled the 500 bucks by answering the final question worth 10 points. Damn! Oh well, no matter, I got to know more my teammates and appreciate their qualities: Kiaji is smart and experienced in Technical Support; Denny is quiet but talented and active; Sarah is a little unsure of herself but systematic and inquisitive; Marvi is a little off tangent at times but he speaks his mind and takes note of important things the rest of us so easily forgets; and of course, me—a talkie, bright enough to contribute a couple of bucks to our team’s pot money. You bet our team’s a great mix. Team Venom: Better Predator Than Prey!
/
Rode in a jeep with the American, Nate, all the way to the bus terminal. For someone who spent years in the US Army, he sure is kind, friendly, and non-combative. I hope he succeeds in polishing his typing skills before the two weeks is over.
/
Rode the bus home. Fell asleep. My supposedly spill-proof mug leaked water in my bag, soaking my notebook and organizer. I took them out and spread them on my lap, their sheets flapping in the wind, and went back to sleep. Was that girl beside me scoffing like an idiot or what? The hell I care. I don’t think I’d envy her for her brain-drying methods anyway.

What's in a Name?

Jester
Experiencing
Pain
Reminiscent
Of
X'mas morning

Jeopardizes
Every
Possible
Reputation
Of
Xcellence

Just an
Earthling
Plotting
Revenge
On the
X-men

Jist:
Even
Pinoys
Repent
On
X'mas

10 Things About Me

1. My first ever Technicolor dream was a nightmare. In it, I was surrounded by countless skyscrapers made of solid gold brown shit. The more I trembled, the more they shook, until they collapsed one by one with such thick splatters. I wanted to run away from it all, but my legs felt so heavy, they won't let me. So I did what I could--I screamed. And that wrung me out of those nasty REM cycles.

It's a recurring nightmare, though, until now that I'm 23. And it never fails to scare me.

2. When I was eleven months old, my parents kind of overlooked the fact that I'd been running high temperatures for 2-3 days already. When they took me to the hospital, the doctor said I'm going to die. But bad weeds don't die easily, so I survived, though I did get something out of that deal: now I have myopia, astigmatism, and cataract on both eyes.

3. As a 16-year old, I was a little curious about death. I took 2 packs of naphthalene balls and scattered the cute little spheres on the bottom of the closet. The following day, I took a can of Coca Cola with me and locked myself in that closet. Nothing happened. I just fell asleep. I woke up, got out of the closet and thought, "What a stupid plan to kill oneself."

4. Speaking of Coca Cola, I'm an addict to soda. I got it from my ex-boss Yayen who used to be a soda addict too. On an empty stomach I can consume a litre-and-a-half of soda in the morning, half-a-litre for lunch, and another litre for supper, not including indulgences on out-of-the-blue urges to drink soda. I'm also an addict to table salt. I can consume a bowl of salt in a day, paired with green mangoes, ripe mangoes, rice, SkyFlakes, Chippy, apples etc... I used to hoard red chiamoy in glass jars in my room but my parents confiscated them as I would finish off a jar-full in one sitting and end up lying in bed with high blood pressure.

5. I had a big chance to be First Honor when I was in grade school. Sometime towards the end of the school year when I was in first grade, I wrote a very obscene (and untrue) story about two of my classmates, something about them banging against the wall. I gave the note to them, which they gave to the teacher, for which the teacher summoned my parents to school. I stood in front of the class while my dad apologized and promised to give me the whacking I deserved. That incident killed my chances of being "First Honor" for my entire stay in grade school. That's when I became "Honor Unconscious" which I'm thankful for.

6. I wore a skirt for two weeks when I was circumcised.

7. I experienced flying when I was a kid. My dad used to have a big cherry red Honda motorcycle which he rode everyday to work. One day, as he was waiting for our gate to be opened, revving the engine furiously, I sneaked behind him and held on to some steel rods at the back of his bike. He zoomed away, laying 50 feet of rubber on half the length of Cardinal Street, while I held on, flying. Aghast bystanders yelled for him to stop and that was the end of my amazing joyride.

8. The first time I fell in love, I was soul-struck. I held on to it for six years, without the object of my affections not knowing a thing about it.

9. In senior year in high school, I wrote a song in a language I didn't understand. I was so proud of it that my parents seriously considered taking me to a psychiatrist.

10. I've never completely filled a notebook with notes all my life. I was working on one, lately, with barely 10 blank pages to go, until the notebook ran away. (I must have driven it away, considering all the stuff I filled it with.)