Seamless

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I can feel, I can feel you near me
Even though you’re far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby
Why?

It’s not suppose to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day

It’s not suppose to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me
Are you and me still together?
Tell me
You think we could last forever?
Tell me
Why?

Why?
Avril Lavigne (2002)

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Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Now I can see that we’re falling apart
From the way that we used to be
No matter the distance I want you to know
That deep down inside of me

I Want It That Way
Backstreet Boys (1999)

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Inside of me (inside of me)
Inside of me (inside of me)
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
Only a man looking for a dream
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
It’s not easy (oohhh)

It’s not easy… to be… me

Superman (It's Not Easy)
Five for Fighting (2006)

Tonight I Freewrite

dreamer of winter
whispers in pale blue light

predator to silken-skinned
children of the rainbow

what is left in this village
i dare not know too much of

mine is an empty mind
rid of strange but real pictures
/
moonshine drunks
danced the revelry
of those long forgotten
by reality

in a kiss of cerulean
wings the conscience
of heaven left me
for good

until madness
like a sea of black arms
and legs gripped me
hard and close

i couldn’t seem to think
of simply running away

Fear of Golden Skyscrapers

When I was little, I had a recurring dream wherein I woke up to find myself alone, in darkness, and surrounded by skyscrapers made of solid gold brown shit. They were so many and so real; I couldn’t help trembling at their ominous presence.

Alas, my trembling (I figured out too late) made those ultrasensitive-to-even-the-slightest-tremor shit-towers tremble the way grandma’s multi-tiered gelatin-based cake did when I placed it on her rocking chair. Oh dear. How those behemoths jerked this way and that ala Judy Garland in Down With Love. So, down went one, a great collapse—and then another! What super thick splatter!

My mind was ablaze with fright. My legs felt like dumbbells. I was running away in vain from a raging shitsunami.

Moments before deep impact, everything froze—except for my throat, quavering in a scream, and my grumpy big brother snickering, “Na-ano ka?”

That dream never failed to wrench me out of my REM cycles when I was a kid. At 22, I still find it disturbing. Whatever was it really about? Whatever was my fright in that dream really about?

(Sigh)

I wish in that dream I knew whose shit it all was. If they were mine, I might have dealt with them the way I’ve dealt with their real counterparts for a decade and three scores now: simply matter-of-factly.