My Orison

My soul

is a pen

about to lose ink

fill me up again

i don't want to be

a useless

empty shell.

Today I Am Wearing

Plum-colored jeans.
Faded sky.
Shell-gray shoes.
Devil's tears.
Snow-white confessions.

Wishing Well

Into this well of Night I let go of yet another treasured memory of you seeing through me with nothing but your unsuspecting heart.

This treasured memory we both know to be just one of the countless times that you’ve seen through me, seen through me, with nothing but your oh so trusting soul.

This treasured memory so like the others yet so distinct, unique on its own.

Down, down, down it goes…

So there it goes—falling into the darkness, the silence, the Mouth of Oblivion closing with every creeping second that tugs at the hot blinding ribbons of morning sun.

Morning sun might dry it up and seal it shut.

A gift from me to myself—a brand new day, as they say, or

One memory, precious, shining, like a gold coin tossed along with a wish into a dark but charming well

But one can only wish too well…

(Sigh)

I wish I can let you go.

Easily.

Just like this.

I See Why You Must Pretend to be Fast Asleep

Every bold caress I make
Is a knock on your hardwood heart

For answer, there were your sighs,
Your barely-there moans

Punctuating each steady slide of hand
On smooth toasty skin

How do I begin

To think when
It’s sweltering beneath the linen sheets

I stare, transfixed at

Sweat beads blooming through your pores
Purifying your skin

Of the day’s dust and dreariness
Nothing but a sharp tang on the tongue

That I touched you with
Shocked you with

Bolts of curious desire

A fire you didn’t want to die in

Smuggled In By Tim

I had a laid back delightful night of cakes, conversation, and quirks with Pipit and Tim. I've written quite a bit about Pipit so I'm going to zoom in to Tim.

Tim. Crazy pudgy child prodigy. Perfected his very own complex but logical system of writing. Learned PHP all by himself. Stirred a triangle of chocolate Toblerone into his Mandarin Orange Soda. Smuggled me in The Spectrum Bodega. Nothing abominable happened, so kindly breathe easy everbody.

Would he so mind if I say here that he smuggled me in his lifesphere, past his complicated Doubt and Suspicion and Inscrutability Systems? I think so. He's terribly shy. Which makes him blush an alarming Del Monte Tomato Sauce red. Which makes him feel ultra self-conscious. Which makes him cackle uncontrollably. Which is 50 percent lethal-50 percent life-extending for him. Whatever. The point is, he would mind. Though I won't, that he would. Blog ko kaya 'to!

Remember what Pipit said about us being the cakes that we ordered, Tim? She's the Strawberry Mouse Cake (ekratan); I'm the Pistacchio Sans Rival (mahirap ispellingin) and, you're the Banana Cream Pie (sexually suggestive.) Makes sense, di ba? Whatever that means. Heart communication does the trick.

Basta next time, I won't be breaking the rules on your account. Being contraband feels exciting and sinful and grabe, but the scorch wears off faster than I could say "Wait!"

*Learn more about Tim at timothythegray.com; you might want to buy something he happens to be selling.

When Tomorrow Comes

look for me in the woods

in the heart of the quiet

wonder of trees hugging

one another in whorled

commiseration

One Day, Everything Will Rise

(for Jay, who wrote One Day, Everything Would Fall)

one day, everything will rise

saguaro cactuses stabbing skies,
pinning cumulus clouds in place

shoots from century-shamed trees,
forming arms instead of leaves

arms hugging moon
fiercely,
stirring storm into Fury

stares from eyes wide shut
cries from sewn shut lips

like dust from the pores of weary skyscrapers
flying amok in the steady flood of light

wings
where shoulder blades used to be

daggers from pin cushions
blood clot from deep lacerations

souls in resurrection
like sunshine ending the reign of shadows
or Hope surviving the deathly hallows

yes Hope, never-ending.

Desire on fire
in long hibernating hearts

weeds choking walls
of Hate

deeds, building walls
of Brotherhood and Faith

in Joy,
where none had ever really smiled

yes, Joy,
where none had ever really cried

oh, tears
and rain too
all falling into the sky

falling ever so freely like Love

oh, yes, Love

like poetry not needing words
lovers not choosing death

nations not going to war
or heroes turned villains turned heroes

or i, praying

i, singing
with you,

tender sprigs from the rubble of Nothingness
or winged wonders out of the Dark Chrysalis

blooming fuchsia, tangerine, cerulean,
vermilion, puce, chartreuse

and by far, many a truce

bets
on this game
this Life

all Changes
and lucky stars
out of terrible quasars

you, unbowed
unrelenting

here with me
burning,
rising

like the Legendary Phoenix
out of the ashes of Disbelief,

of Grief,

or the little children in us
outgrowing blind obedience
becoming who we truly are

becoming Miracles

yes, us
like tides from thirst-killed oceans,

like secrets,
or the unknown past bound by
scrolls from all the dead seas.

prophecies.

freed. free. at last.

No Matter What I Tell Myself

I am

scarred soul hiding from the world.

Alberto

a frog’s head
nothing but

a fuzzy faded
olive frog’s head

sporting
a pair of soiled sclera

and pitch-black pupils
that don’t see at all

haha
they don’t see at all

but Alberto
is my friend

and I can see
even if he can’t

I can feel
co’z he can’t

I have everything
that he doesn’t

which is enough
for the both of us

Childhood

elephant-size
cottonball
soaked in
a honeyed pot
of survival
stories

Upon Waking Up This Morning I Said

I deserve to know
what’s inside my head,

what’s making it so
impossibly heavy

to carry around lately.

But while for the answers
I am here waiting, I can

only pray I don’t fall
into a lake or something.

Unfinished Business in Filipino

ngayong gabi
ako'y malayang
nagsusulat

walang sinumang
mapanupil ang
makakaligtas

sa kapalarang
guhit ng aking
matalas

at dumudugong
sandata.
/
paano pa kaya tutula
ang talang tinakluban
ng mapanlinlang langit?
/
kung mag-igib kaya ako
sa bukal ng iyong hinuha
ng mga pira-pirasong alala

ng mga nakaraang Paraisong
hindi mapagkakailang nakamtan
ng nilalang na katulad mo?

makakamtan ko rin kaya
ang kalayaang minsan
mong natamasa kapiling

ang mga talang
kulay bahaghari
/
tingin
sa malayo
sa hindi pa
kailanman
naabot
ng mortal
na paningin

damhin
ang hugis
ng mga planetang
hulma sa mukha
ng Manlilikha

tiisin
ang hapdi
ng pagkasunog
ng mga talang
sing ningning
ng iyong
pagkakasala

sa sugundong
pagtakip
ng Kahapon

magigising
ang tunay
na Ikaw
/
malaya ang buwan

kumakanta
nagliliwaliw

nung minsa'y kaniig
nating dalawa
ang kapwa bilanggo

sa maitim na kawalan
ng dilat nating mga mata

matalinghaga

ang sabay
na pagkakakilanlan

ng mga kaluluwang
hinagpis ang siyang

ikinabubuhay
sa laot ng mapait

na Pag-asa

nang bumuka
ang ating mga bibig

nagwala na parang
mapusok na usok

ang katanungang:
nasaan ba ang langit?
/
ang puso ko'y biyolin.
kung sana alam mong tumugtog nito.

Resilience

the day is cold.
half-dead.

dragged across the
hard craggy face

of this earth by
a raging silver wind.

beaten by the tens
of thousand fists

of the rain.
yet i remain.

vibrant and supple.
alive and afire.

and growing ever
so steadfastly

in love. with you.

Futility

inside a cage
of iron mesh

on a bed of
egyptian lace

bedecked with
blackgold

stilettos
is a heart

shaped like
a rose

red like
a vampire's lips

alone like
a work of art

kept from
the world

by the greed
and vanity

of the one
who bought it

but cannot
ever truly

possess it

Makes Sense

the sky is blue gray today.

the sea, a greenish brown.

i see long stretches of yellowgold fields.

i see color in every second-shot

every unfrozen frame of simultaneous

multiple existence of wonder both known

and unfathomable.

this is all. that there is.

that we are. is true. is sure.

makes sense.

Transient

lost. in transit.
in transition.

heart.
needing change.

translocare.
moving house.
moving on.

moving. thoughts.
affections. limbs.

in limbo. by myself.
neither tangos nor fandangos.
flamencos.

the way through all this.
must be swift. short.
searing.